Returning to work after having a baby can feel rather precarious. You put yourself under pressure to prove you can seamlessly juggle it all – picking up where you left off at work whilst simultaneously caring for your baby who is also adjusting to a change in routine. 

If you’re reading this feeling exhausted before your day even begins, you’re not alone. The temptation to adopt a superhuman approach to being a working parent can lead to burnout. I’d like to offer an alternative approach that starts with understanding the power of boundaries. 

Moving from elastic days to bookended days 

Most of us – before becoming parents – operate on what I call ‘elastic days’ – where work bleeds into home time, and home concerns infiltrate work hours. Your day stretches and contracts based on whatever demands the most attention in the moment. You’re thinking about work emails during bathtime and worrying about your child’s day at nursery during important meetings. 

This constant mental juggling act leaves you feeling like you’re failing at everything, even when you’re actually managing an incredible amount. The elastic approach might seem flexible, but it’s actually creating more stress because you never feel fully present anywhere. 

Introducing bookended days 

Establishing clear time structures allows you to give yourself permission to be fully present in each space of your life. This will look different for everyone, but it might mean that you agree with your partner (or arrange for childcare) to work one or two elastic days each week. These are days when you can work longer hours to meet a deadline or handle an urgent project.  

Crucially, they are balanced by more intentional, boundaried time elsewhere. This may mean that one (or more) evening(s) a week is completely protected family time.  

You may need to work hard to honour these boundaries. That could mean switching your work phone off, not opening your laptop and focusing your energy on being present at home on the nights you have designated as uninterrupted family time. 

Creating a sustainable rhythm 

The focus is on creating a sustainable rhythm that protects your energy and prevents the slow burn of exhaustion that leads to burnout. You might like to consider: 

• How to communicate clearly with your partner, childcare provider and colleagues about your working hours, availability and when you are not contactable. 

• Collaboration with your partner or childcare provider when you need flexibility. 

• Self-compassion to remind yourself that you are doing the best you can; some days you’ll win and other’s you’ll lose – and that is ok. 

• Frequent evaluation – as your child grows their needs will change, and your routine may need to adjust to reflect that. 

My top tips for moving forward 

If you are currently rushing from home to work and back again and feeling exhausted, the transition to introducing boundaries won’t happen overnight. Start small: 

• Ask yourself if you can work one elastic day each week and discuss this with your partner. They might like to work one elastic day too. You can each hold the fort at home whilst the other works late. 

• Consider if you would benefit from adjusting your working pattern to better suit your energy levels. If you are up early because your baby wakes early, could your partner (or a friend) drop them at childcare freeing you up to get a head start on your work?  

• How might you need to adjust your expectations of yourself as a working parent? You don’t necessarily have less time (although it will feel like it) at work, but you do need to be more focused. What is essential and what can you say no to? 

The transition back to work after having a baby is challenging enough without the added pressure of trying to be superhuman. Give yourself permission to do things differently. Your future self – and your family – will thank you for it.