The Drama Triangle, developed by Stephen Karpman in 1968, suggests that at times, in our relationships with others we may find ourselves going round in circles as we rotate around three different positions on The Drama Triangle. Karpman was a student of Eric Berne (who developed the theory of Transactional Analysis, or TA as it is known).

Transactional Analysis is a theory of human development, personality and communication. It offers many concepts that can be learned and applied as part of personal and professional development. Although the roots of TA are in psychoanalysis and therapy, there is much that we can apply to our work as Executive Coaches offering the opportunity to work at a deeper level with our clients, bringing about transformational change.

The Drama Triangle portrays three different roles which we rotate around in our communication and interactions with others, often quite quickly. Watch any episode of a soap opera on TV through the lens of the drama triangle, and you’ll notice the different roles the characters are in as the drama unfolds. I’ll often introduce the concept of the drama triangle in a coaching session when, as I tune into the words my client is using to describe a frustrating situation, I become curious about what is happening. What is going wrong, and what is the cause of it? What is my client doing and why? What impact is the behaviour of the other person having on my client?

When we are in what is called a ‘game’ in the drama triangle, we are repeating a familiar behavioural pattern that we learned in our childhood. We have a preferred starting point on the triangle, but we then change roles during a conversation which changes the dynamics leading to confusion or misunderstanding.

The three roles on the triangle are:

The Rescuer

The rescuer position can feel like a good place to be as it suggests taking care of and helping others. In this position we work hard to ‘help’ other people, and we feel good about doing things for other people. However, we tend to act without checking first and end up neglecting our own needs in the process. Often, our ‘help’ will be resented.

The Victim

The victim role tends to deny responsibility for the situation in which we find ourselves, and we believe we are powerless to change it. We tend to call upon the help of others and assume that others will solve our problems.

The Persecutor

The persecutor role has a critical attitude. Here, we tend to blame others for events that occur. Control and power are important to the persecutor, as is being able to prove that we are right, and others are wrong.

It is important to emphasise here that this is an unconscious dynamic that we create. The roles attract each other as neither one can do without the other. We have a favourite position in the triangle that we are easily drawn into, especially when we are under pressure because of something someone else has said or done. For example, a Victim will seek out a Rescuer, but will take on the role of Persecutor if the Rescuer cannot solve their problems. The Rescuer then moves into the role of Victim as they feel hard done by (“I was only trying to help…nothing I do is good enough”).

The Drama Triangle offers a powerful lens through which we can examine the frustrating situations we find ourselves in where we end up feeling confused, annoyed or misunderstood. By illuminating the dynamics at play we are more able to choose how to respond when we are invited into a ‘game’. Because the roles we adopt are a reflection of learned behaviours from our past, we are acting from either our Child or Parent ego states. To step out of the ‘game’ we need to intentionally move into our Adult ego state and into the here and now. This means adopting an attitude of “I’m OK, You’re OK”. It is also about increasing our self-awareness and understanding of our own behavioural patterns.

In 1990 Acey Choy developed the Winners Triangle which can help us adopt an Adult-Adult attitude. This suggests that:

The Rescuer moves from Rescuing to Caring – supporting others to find their own solutions. Listening, holding strong boundaries, trusting that the other person can solve their own problems and standing up for our own needs.

The Victim moves from being powerless to Voicing their feelings – asking for what they need, showing their feelings and using their own thinking to solve their problems.

The Persecutor moves from being critical to being Assertive – asking for what they want, being flexible to get their needs met and not making the other person wrong.

In summary, using the Drama Triangle to highlight what is really happening and offering the Winners Triangle as a way of stepping out of the game can be hugely enlightening. It is important to highlight that it is not easy to step out of the Drama Triangle! It requires repeated, intentional practice.

Season 4 of the The Coaching Question podcast is dedicated to exploring how we apply some of the principles of TA in our work as Executive Coaches. In episode 2, we introduce the concept of the Drama Triangle. A video demonstrating the triangle is also available.

References:

• Choy, A. (1990) The Winner’s Triangle, Transactional Analysis Journal, 20 (1): 40–46.
• Koopmans, L. (2019) This is me! Become who you are with Transactional Analysis.

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