The topic of wellbeing frequently comes up in Executive Coaching. I notice that clients share a range of symptoms from emotional outbursts to health concerns to unhealthy working habits such as extremely long working hours. When working with a client on this topic, I become curious about where they learned to behave in a way that leads them to feel overwhelmed, exhausted and constantly in survival mode. 

Bringing a TA (transactional analysis) lens to my coaching, I recognise that for my clients, these learned behaviours have served them well. Growing up, they are likely to have learned that trying hard at school, aiming to please their parents and teachers, gaining recognition through achieving high grades and/or operating at pace served them well. Consequently, many progress through education into topflight careers and continue to employ their ‘winning formula’ because it works so well for them. Until it doesn’t. And this is usually the point at which they might seek out an Executive Coach. 

Transactional Analysis allows us to examine behaviour from the perspective of conditioned tendencies learned in childhood. Usually unconscious, these become well established and habitual, such that we cannot imagine not behaving in this way. As our careers develop and our lives change, we are often required to adapt to different people and situations – which can be challenging. This might mean being more strategic (and delegating more), managing others (and managing their performance) or handling conflict (and accepting that it is not always possible to please others). In our recent podcast series, we delve into how we might employ various coaching techniques to support our clients with these challenges from a TA perspective. 

Clients who have learned to take on a lot of responsibility, to work exceptionally hard and please others tend to be other-focused. They forget about themselves, and their own wellbeing. It becomes second nature for them to ignore their own needs and, in many ways, sacrifice their health in service of performing at work and striving to be ‘good enough’. Sharing this observation is often transformative for clients and can open up a valuable conversation about limiting beliefs, behavioural drivers and influences rooted in their family system. 

Coaches love a metaphor, and one that I have found to be powerful is the concept of pacing ourselves and building in time for rest and recovery. Any athlete training for a marathon would take time to build up to the main event and ensure they are fuelling themselves with the best nutrition and sleep. They would also factor in rest days. We are human beings – not human doings. Giving ourselves permission to pause, to slow down and take a different perspective on ourselves through coaching helps us to make different choices.  

Supporting clients to recognise where their behaviour might be getting in the way and inviting them to choose to respond differently can be empowering. Where wellbeing is really being negatively impacted, taking the time to explore what behaviours and situations promote high levels of stress and reflecting on what activities or restorative practices might expand a client’s capacity to handle stress can enhance their overall resilience. 

I do not claim to be a burnout expert, but I am interested in how we can promote wellbeing in ourselves and each other. If you’d like to find out more about how we might support you in a coaching capacity, please get in touch.

This blog post is part of a collaboration between two Executive Coaches Sarah Turner and Gregor Findlay, co-hosts of The Coaching Question Podcast. This blog features as part of a special series on the topic of Transaction Analysis in Coaching. Check out the podcast here.

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