Letting Go While Managing Societal Perceptions of Ageing

Welcome to this series in which I join menopause coach Kate Usher to talk about menopause in the workplace. In this video we talk about letting go while managing societal perceptions of ageing.

Menopause in the workplace

We are the first generation to experience menopause in the workplace, which means we don’t have many role models to look to. Our mothers and grandmothers did experience menopause in the workplace, but that was either unusual or they didn’t talk about it and certainly did not expect to be spoken to about it. It is such a taboo subject still that stories and experiences are often not shared, which has led to a lack of resources, education and awareness needed to better support ourselves in this stage.

This is also prevalent in organisations. When something feels like it cannot be talked about it becomes a private thing we feel we have to battle on our own. A report from the Fawcett Society states that only 22% of menopausal people within the industry speak out about menopause and ask for support.

During other stages of our lives, such as getting our period or having a baby, there’s a lot of information and resources out there and people speak openly about it. When it comes to menopause however, people are more reluctant to share. This is where the challenge arises – when it’s not something that is openly talked about or welcomed, how do we know how to deal with this period of our lives?

Lack of background education

The issue of the taboo facing menopause is the lack of background education. It is down to us to find that information and make ourselves aware so that we can start to think more openly about it and to equip ourselves to be able to start those conversations.

Unlike with periods and pregnancies, menopause does not have clear time limits, so you might be wondering, when it will start or end and what it will be like. Each person will experience their menopause differently and this uniqueness makes it even more difficult to have conversations about this topic. As women we are naturally comparing ourselves to others and are looking to other to see how they are dealing with similar situations. Because it is so variable, it can feel like you are the only one experiencing what you are experiencing.

Whilst you can seek general support from other women, the uniqueness of this means that you have to find your own way through it. You have to find what you need to support yourself at this time and this takes courage.

I’ll often speak to women who think that other women are handling situations much better than themselves, but the fact is that we are all used to presenting a different version of ourselves to the world. The difference between our external self and our internal self will become accentuated during menopause, and things can start to come out, which can create greater anxiety.

Our top tips for supporting yourself during menopause

Make yourself aware of what menopause is

There are 40 symptoms of menopause, but most of us know only 5. Be curious and find out what to expect. Map out any symptoms you might be experiencing – get ahead and get prepared. Being aware and knowing your options will give you the tools to better support yourself.

Stop comparing yourself to others and get help if you need it

Others will have a different experience to you and each menopause is unique. Don’t push and isolate yourself, get help if you do need it.

Build your scaffolding

Start to think about the scaffolding you need to put around you so that you can take care of yourself. Allow yourself to start thinking about what you need to be at your best. Examples can be sleep/exercise/nutrition/mental health, but this will be different for everyone. Think about who’s in your team that you can lean on?

Reframe this stage of your life

Give yourself permission to say “I am menopausal”, be proactive, take care of your needs and make requests of others about what you need from them. It is ok to ask for help, societal expectations are that we soldier on and don’t talk about menopause. We are the role models for the next generation and can advocate for women in our organisations who don’t have a voice.

If you have ovaries, you will be experiencing menopause at some point in your life. We need to start recognising it as a normal phase of our lives, just like the teenage years. Claiming and owning it gives it some comfort and the more we talk about it, the more we normalise it and give others permission to talk about it.

You can connect with Kate Usher on LinkedIn.

Other videos in the series:

Video 2:
Identifying What We Want on The Other Side of Menopause

Video 3:
Managing the Menopause with Young Children and Teenagers

Video 4:
Menopause in Diversity & Inclusion